Sad sad news

It's very hard to believe I’m writing another message like this so soon after losing Scout.

I’m so sad and sorry to tell you that Moss was hit by a car and killed, last Monday. The driver drove away without stopping, and just left him there.

We were walking way up in the fields when three huge deer sprang out of nowhere and startled Moss, and he chased after them. The nearest country road is so quiet, you see a car very infrequently but the deer headed towards it. I always let the dogs off up there until we get towards the field gate on the ay home, I’ve done that since Scout was a pup and always felt they were safe from harm. We'd been there for well over an hour and hardly seen a car in that time, but I saw one appear just as Moss was heading across the field at top speed. I thought he'd made it because I could see that the car didn't flinch, and just kept going. I then ran as fast as I could towards where he’d gone and when I got there there I used a special call that always works with Moss, that his trainer taught me to use only in rare circumstances – he would always come back to it (no chance when chasing deer though). He didn't come back.

I thought the deer must have run across to a big wood in the distance and I headed that way thinking I would run down to the wood and find him, but as I was going along the road towards the gate down to the woods I saw his lifeless body. It was like the world stopped. And it hasn't re-started yet, it feels as if it never will.

I miss him so very much. He was so full of joy and life, huge love and curiosity. He was handsome, oh so handsome, and special; his coat was beautiful and shiny, and so were his eyes; he’d only lost the last of his baby teeth quite recently. Seeing all that pure beauty with its life gone is something I will never get over. Everything I now do or see has Moss in it, just like it always did since the day I got him.

I wasn't sure I could love another dog so soon after Scout, but I was willing to try. As soon as I saw Moss's picture online I knew he was the one. That's why I went all the way to Cumbria to a hill farm get him. It was worth every moment and every mile.

Now I look at the stairs that he chewed, my books that he ate the covers off, all the baskets in the house that he shredded – and they are all treasures. I see his harness hanging there, his toys, his dressing gown, everything. But he's gone. And I'm not sure how to get through this one.

I feel terrible for taking him from the farm where he was born and bringing him here only to get killed.

I just miss him so so much. My Mossy-Noo and my Moss-Moss, my sweetheart.

It feels like all the lights have gone out, and what is the point in anything now.

Finding a photo of him to share today was so painful; seeing him breaks my heart, and yet he brought so much in the nine months he was here.

He's buried next to Scout up in the woods that they both loved.

My boys, and my world.

---

For Moss

I missed you on the bed this morning, washing all my toes

I missed you herding me down the stairs as fast as we could go

I missed you waiting at my feet while I made the tea

I missed you rolling on your back smiling up at me

I missed you sitting on the mat while I put your harness on

I missed you jumping out of the car and bounding fast along

I missed you when I called you back and you ran to me with joy

I missed stroking your soft head and telling you "Good boy"

I missed you sitting under the table while I ate my lunch

I missed you gently taking toast, and listening to you crunch

I missed you when I had to work, and you were there to guard

I missed you resting at the door while I was in the bath

I missed you as I locked the house and headed up to bed

I lay awake and thought of you and endless tears were shed

I miss you Moss, and always will, my special Mossy Noo

Wait for me and I will come, I promise

I love you.